Top Ten Monster Comebacks

The Fallen Ones have become a Diablo staple. We love the little guys; the way they screech and titter in their strange language, how they rush us on mass, only to flee in cowardice the second one of them dies. Then, like a band of bullies after our lunch money, they come back for another go, until we find a weapon suitable enough to beat their heads in for good. But boy do we enjoy doing it.

Fallen have always been filler; the mayo to the Diablo sandwich. They offer no real challenge, but without them the World of Sanctuary would feel just a little bit... empty. Sometimes there's nothing more fun then jumping into a tribe of these pygmy fiends and wading through them like a pitbull in a nursery. The carnage alone just leaves us feeling satisfied.

Over the years we've watched them evolve from groups of mildly threatening scavengers, to large bands of Shaman-led tribes. Since their presence in D3 has been confirmed (thanks to a Blizzard employee's avatar), it's not so much how they're going to look and act, but more about how far the Fallen race has come. It's been twenty years since the Worldstone shattered; where are they now? Do they have communities? Perhaps villages? Have their Shamans learned even more advanced and devastating magic? Have their communication skills improved any? Have some of them even attempted to side with humanity? Or the odd one grown to a grotesquely enormous size? (Rakinishu with ...˜Roid Rage anyone?)

The Fallen will be back, as they rightfully should be. Hey, someone's gotta be the fodder for those clueless noobies. Right?

The Blunderbores

The Blunderbore concept art was cause for much excitement and awe before Diablo 2's release. They really did look nasty: heavily built giants swinging clubs made from ...“ wait for it ...“ a human wrapped in chains!

How nasty is that? It was true Diablo style, evil and twisted to the max. We couldn't wait to go toe on toe with them.

In reality, however, the Blunderbore was rather disappointing. Most people didn't even notice the club thanks to the ...˜classic' sprite graphics, and the Blunderbore's themselves barely put up a fight at all. They moved fast, but their great size made them easy targets, and their hit points were miniscule. Most would die before they even reached players.

It's my opinion that the Blunderbore would be much better suited for a 3D environment. With all the enhanced graphics and fluid movements, we'd fully be able to appreciate their fighting capabilities. Maybe the human-club could scream, and wiggle in its chains? And have pieces come off it occasionally, blood spraying with each blow.

Perhaps when the Blunderbore gets low on health, it can choose to eat its weapon, reviving its health but forcing it to fight with fists alone? Their appearance could also be upgraded, like having armour made from bones, or covered in scars and boils.

Pack on the health points, make their attacks do serious damage, horrify us with their weapons screams for help... it really wouldn't take much tweaking for these giants to reach their full potential. They're a concept to good to waste.

The Goatmen

Another staple, the Goatmen are a delicate choice. You either love them, or dismiss them as generic and boring. The truth is I think they just lost their way.

The Goatmen are supposed to be horrific creatures. Concept art showed them as ragged, muscular and salivating with bloodlust. They carried weapons, but for what reason? Did they just enjoy killing? Were they once men, now with goat-like torsos? Or vengeful goats who evolved the ability to stand upright?

The first time I saw one was a shocking experience. Here I am, playing Diablo 1 with a friend at the tender age of twelve. Cain has asked us to cleanse the well's water supply. We enter a crack in a wall, take two steps... then nearly brown our trousers as a beast the size of our warrior but nearly twice as broad immediately bears down on us. I admit; a town portal had never been opened so quickly.

It took us a good twenty minutes to work up the courage to face that quest again, largely due to its hairy defender. Back then, the Goatmen were rare and feared. (Except Gharbad... he was cool)

But with Diablo 2, they lost some of their bite. They just weren't as scary... the idea not as fresh. Sure when they attacked in groups they could still be a hassle, but the horrifying nature they once possessed had diminished since our first encounter. Less like a wild animal and more like... well... a housepet gone wrong.

All is not lost, however. Everyone has their bad fur days. Twenty years is long enough to bring out the beast in anyone. If Goatman wants to join the 3D army's of Hell, he better be rough. He better be tough. He better be into savaging kittens with his bare claws and drooling excessive amounts on your white suede furniture.

Make them the viscous, sadistic creatures they were supposed to be, and the Goatmen will be welcomed back in D3.

Sadly, we have seen a few glimpses of the ...new... Goatmen in the gameplay video, and so far they look fairly tame. But you never know... early days... hopefully the brutalist breeds are yet to come.

The Overlords

The Overlord species has provided us with three bosses over the course of the games, but only one really struck fear into player's minds. The Smith and Hephasto brought their own tense moments, but it was the Butcher that became the figurehead of Diablo 1... even outshining Diablo himself, who proved to be oddly proportioned and unmemorable. It's almost an ancient ritual, passed down as an all-too-often heard conversation:

...Hey, did you ever play Diablo 1?...

...Yeah! My god, the Butcher... ...˜Ahhh fresh meat!' Freaky man......

It's amazing how a room full of blood, an apron, a giant cleaver and one phrase spoken in such a sinister way can keep people reminiscing over that first terrified moment for years to come. Not to mention how the fat bastard would chase you to the ends of the world without slowing for rest. *shudder*

As an enemy, we only got to fight the Overlords in Diablo 1's lava filled caverns. While not as intimidating, these hulking brutes still retained some of their Butcher like qualities; their distinctive grunts, their tireless pursuit and a punch that could neuter an elephant. Their fat, malformed bodies always gave us pause when a group of them came out of the shadows. Personally I'd like to see them return.

The lore states that they were once the followers of Inarius - the vain and rebellious Angel who Mephisto rendered hideous and left in a room of mirrors. I'd love to see that storyline finally appear in game. Perhaps we'd need to battle through the Overlords again in their new, more bloated 3D physiques, before facing and releasing Inarius from his hellish torment once and for all? That'd be cool...

Whether Diablo 3 will include something like that is a far reach, but we can hope. At least include another Overlord boss. Maybe one that poses an even more sinister threat then the Butcher? (The TeleMarketer, The Lawyer, The School Principle...)

The Horned Demon / Siege Beast

Some players may not realise that the Horned Demon actually returned in the second game. In Diablo 1, they were a horn attached to a mass of muscle the size of a small train. They could spot you from nearly a whole screen away, and then with their trademark ...GROOOOOOGGGG!... bellow, hurtle your direction like a senior citizen behind the wheel. The noise alone made people back peddle through portals!

In Diablo 2, they were still cool, but didn't pose such an immediate threat. This time they appeared in the expansion, still bearing their enormous horn but now covered to the toe-claws in armour. While it meant they could no longer charge you at breakneck speeds, they could still move very quickly, and it took a lot of damage to bring one down. When coupled with the fire belching Imps, they really did become a moving fortress.

Should they return, they'd find Diablo 3 offers a world of opportunity for these living war engines. Have they grown or mutated into even deadlier beasts? Domesticated to the point where armed demons are now able to ride them? Perhaps been armed with rudimentary canons/catapults? Or since Baal's demise have they just taken to grazing quietly on the plains?

One can only imagine the mayhem they'd cause should they appear along side the gameplay video's ...Siege Beast.... Or maybe that's what the Horned Demon has indeed evolved into? Meh, when you have the ability to bite off someone's head, it's not like anyone's going to argue...

The Spitting Terrors

Like the Blunderbore, the Regurgitator was another ...theory... monster that had everyone excited. Appearing in the Plains of Hell, the Regurgitator was a kind of living vacuum cleaner. Not much more then a walking blob with a long neck and octopus mouth, it would scurry around, gobbling up the carcasses of its dead companions... and then proceed to spit them back out at you.

O_o

Yeah. That's my feelings on that one.

While it didn't end up quite as cool as the concept led us to believe, it was still something new and different to play with. The goopy projectile of intestines and meaty chunks were mildly feared (perhaps because they reminded us of our last dinner at a Mexican restaurant), but unless there was a constant supply of bodies they soon ran out of ammo.

Still, it was fun to lead a group of Regurgitators onto a recent battlefield, and watch as they very quickly turned Hell into a birthday party at McDonalds (only less greasy).

Diablo 3 could only serve to further enhance these strange and repulsive creatures by adding a whole new layer of grossness to their behaviour! Maybe now they could fire projectiles from both ends? Maybe eating certain things would make them produce a variety of poison gases? Or different attacks, like ...spooge fountain... or ...death snot.... There's no end of fun to be had with the bodies numerous functions; might as well make the Regurgitator be the one do it! As sick as it gets, I say.

The Blood Lords

The Blood Lords were the ultimate in Hell's warriors. Basically enormous humanoid bulls, Blood Lords donned heavy armour and swung two axes the size of your characters body. Among the fastest monsters in the game, getting surrounded by a group of these took only seconds, and your death even faster then that. Worse, with every successful blow the Lord's attacks became faster, stun locking you to the point of no escape.

Like a fat kid rolling downhill, the Lords simply destroyed everything in their path. Even trying to deal with them from a distance was no easy task, since they could close the gap so fast. Glass-canon and tank classes alike quickly became fodder for these unstoppable death bovines.

Seeing a herd of Blood Lords gallivanting towards you on Diablo 3's epic new engine would probably be one of the scariest moments in the game. Whether there'll still be as lethal as they were twenty years ago remains to be seen: if the second game taught us anything, it's that the nerf hammer strikes monsters from the previous games hardest. Can't have those newbie Hardcore players crying over their Barbarian's ...unfair... stun-lock massacre...hmph.

The Undead Stygian Doll / Frenzied Hell Spawn

Though technically two different monsters, it's what they do that puts them in the same category... that category being ...OH SH*T! RUN!!...

Undead Dolls appear in Diablo 2's third act. After fighting some nasty-but-manageable Fetish swarms, players would come across these tiny, skeleton versions of the afore mentioned midgets. They looked harmless enough, and aside from being on the fast side, generally they were. It was after they died that the real nasty attack took place.

Their small bodies would explode in a shower of bony shards, dealing massive damage to anything within a close proximity. Nightmare and Hell difficulty melee characters could nearly always expect death from these if done on-mass. This made them the Hardcore players worst nightmare, and one of the most dangerous monsters in the game, requiring some serious strategic planning to tackle. Well... strategic for Diablo games anyway.

The Frenzied Hellspawn was a standard Hellspawn that had been whipped by their Overseer masters. Players had a brief warning period, where the monster fell to its knees, back bubbling up with explosives fluids. Once the Hellspawn stood again, it was a veritable walking bomb, ready to go off the second it drew close. It would hunt your character tirelessly, and in the heat of battle the appearance of even one of these suicide grenades meant fast changing direction.

Later versions of these beasts became more deadly again, when various elements were added to their denotation. A cold aura after-shock would not only deal massive damage, but freeze players as well, leaving them open to other attacks.

While the option was always available to flee or avoid these monsters, Blizzard (being the sadistic sob's they are) liked to taunt us by offering large experience points for killing them and surviving. For many, this was simply to big of a temptation to over come, and more then a few ...deeds of valor... were not remembered because of them.

That's what made these monsters ingenious: they actually made us do more then charge in and slaughter. We had to make snap decisions - was it worth risking death for a slightly better reward? We had to develop different methods - melee characters had to earn radius skills, or carry a long range weapon. Escaping large groups meant tight manoeuvring, to avoid not only your attackers but other monsters lurking near by.

And that's the kind of thing we want in Diablo 3. It doesn't necessarily have to be exploding skeletons or suicide bombers, but something that's both a challenge and life threatening, yet too tempting to resist. After all, what's the point of playing Hardcore when you've got nothing to fear?

Better then Nihlathaks corpse explosion insta-kill anyway...

And last but not least, my favourite monster (and no, not just cause she has boobies):

The Succubus

Players of the original game received a rude shock when reaching Diablo's 2 version of Hell for the first time. There was demons, fire and the screaming lost souls. But something was missing. And before long the forums were filled with a unified cry:

...Where are the Succubi?...

The Succubi first appeared in Diablo 1, and were probably the most controversial monsters in the game. Not only were they women, they were also buck naked. While this offered a giggle for younger players, it also introduced quite a powerful psychological dilemma.

People are conditioned at an early age to know that violence against women is a bad thing. Yet in the game, we found ourselves forced to kill these Succubi. Remove their wings (and the fact that they're trying to suck out our souls... oh wait) and they look exactly like normal human females. And not only were they naked, they were also unarmed, sporting no kind of melee attack and completely defenseless once you got close to them, allowing you to hack them apart at whim.

Was killing them the right thing to do, even in a game? This aspect made facing the Succubus more a disturbing experience then a frightening one, and the reason why she lingered on in player memory.

People rejoiced when her presence was announced in the second game's expansion... but sadly her execution could only be described as ...crap.... Now resembling harpies more then humans, Diablo 2's Succubi floated about like giant butterfly's and half-heartedly threw curses at people. They became as forgettable and uninspired as your average zombie, and about as character threatening too.

Her revival in Diablo 3 could be a bit hit and miss. Should she be brought back? Or should we just let a good thing die? Ultimately it will probably come down to whether or not Blizzard is willing to send her in nude again... if they follow the D2 route, they'll probably choose sales over ...pushing the bar..., which is sad really. It's what made Diablo 1 such a classic.

Frankly, these games were always supposed to be played by adults. Not pre-pubescent teens. If they're that worried about censorship, add a parental lock or a profile system. Don't deny their long time customers the mental disturbance they're after.

D3 Succubi will need to be nude or, failing that, wearing the absolute bear minimum. Bring back the whole ...this feels wrong... aspect. Make her coo sweet nothings to us, or beg for her life. Make one of her attacks a super sexy dance that gets better the longer you let her live, but drains your life bar in the process (how long could you hold out?). Hell, if need be, give us the ability to upload them with pictures of our ex-girlfriends/wives!

Actually, forget that one. That would only make killing them easier for some people...

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And there you have it. Top Ten Monster Comebacks.

Next week: Top Ten Monster Farewells. The ones we don't want to see return for any reason, and the ones that were just plain stupid. This is going to be pretty easy...

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