(Article Disclaimer: The opinions and theories put forth in these articles are purely the result of the authors’ twisted mind. If you fail to agree with its statements, or find anything you read offensive to you, then it’s probably just that time of the month. Need a hug?)

It’s the question asked since the beginning of time; even before Abraham turned to Jesus and said “Dude, if you could be a chick, who would you be?” (to which Jesus replied “Angelina Jolie of course. Duh.”). It’s the reason Shakespeare wrote “the Tempest”, and went on to direct “The Crying Game”. The ultimate in X and Y bending enigmas:

Why do gamers choose the genders they do?

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Games and movies share a lot in common. They entertain us, let us escape reality for the briefest of times, or make us dwell on ideas we may never have pondered before. Unlike movies, however, games make us a part of their world. We get the chance to actually assume the role of one of the characters, to drive the story and share in its greatest moments. And sometimes, if the game permits it, we even get to choose the gender we play.

So which is it? Dudes or Boobs?

Upon Diablo 3’s announcement, we discovered that we would finally be allowed to choose the gender of our future heroes. This made many people very excited; it’s an oft overlooked but much appreciated feature. For many - like myself - it’s one of the key selling additions. But why? Why is getting to choose the sex of our characters such a big deal? Should it matter at all?

I’ll get it right out there: I only ever play the women. In Diablo 1, I used the Rogue exclusively. In Diablo 2, the Amazon. In any role playing game I’ll make a female character and alter her features to my liking. If I only get to choose a portrait, like in racing games or the original GTA (mmm, Ulrika), I’ll always choose the hottest looking chick. Hell, even if it’s an FPS where I never even see who I’m playing! It’s just what I do.

I had a school mate who swore that made me gay. He looked at me in utter shock when I said I used the female driver in Carmageddon. But then I would jibe him for picking the bare-chested, ab-sporting, all-man team in Unreal Tournament. Surely that’s gayer then choosing to play females? Actually, when you say it like that… hm.

In truth, everyone’s perception will differ because everyone plays their games in a different way. People’s reasoning for choosing one character over another can vary more then Pamela Anderson’s bra size. Let’s explore some common player types now, and find out whether gamers really are just enjoying a fantasy world… or fantasizing about something completely different. Wink wink nudge nudge.

And remember, if you don’t agree with me, you’re probably just confused. And like the colour purple.

The Roleplayers

Roleplayers have a special attachment to their characters; they don’t play them, they are them. Little Jimmy may get picked on at school, but at home he’s ThunderNads Skull-Crusher, a level 80 warrior who’s never known defeat (or bathing or deodorant). Games are a way for the roleplayers to be a part of their favourite worlds, or to be the ultra-manly hero they always wanted to be. Every glorious in-game accomplishment becomes a real life achievement too.

Because of this, most roleplayers will choose to stick with the gender they are, since it makes it easier to project. That, and their unsettling habit of always referring to their characters as “I”.
e.g. “Today I ran right into the biggest hoard of Fallen, so I transformed into a Werebear and pounded the crap out of them. Then I went and stared at Charsi for a few hours. Hot.”

It’s rare for a roleplayer to dabble with the “other” gender, but not completely unheard of. (Fact: This most notably happens between level 13 and level 18, when their characters earn the title of “Pubert Extraordinaire” and start to notice the Night Elves for more then just their big ears.) It’s not a preferred practise, however, as trying to act like the opposite sex is either to difficult or to mysterious for most roleplayers to maintain.

Still, you can never be too careful, as these guys are the gaming world’s “masters of disguise”. Next time you meet a female character that actually claims to be a girl in real life, don’t be so quick to jump on the “cyber??!” band-wagon. Chances are: her sword is bigger then yours.





 


            This or This?









The Pervs

Come on. Which would you prefer to do? Spend hours on end staring at a manly chest and male backside, or enjoy the sensuous jiggling of the female form? I think it’s pretty obvious. Pervs play games because they can enjoy a bit of digitalised booty without the need for all those usual male/female bonding rituals. They’re free to oogle those stunning 3D pixels all they want, and will never get nagged for it! What could be better? (Aside from a girlfriend who enjoys games too)

I admit: I’m partially one of these. I don’t play a game just because it has boobies, but I appreciate everything Lara Croft’s magnificent bodice has to offer, and admire the Amazon for more then just her spear throwing skills. Who doesn’t find it strangely interesting when a Draculina gets it on with random chicks in the Masquerade? We’re guys! It’s expected of us! Does this really make us pervs?

Probably. But honestly, I’m a ton more interested in games if they’ve got some eye candy on offer. If I’m forced to play a male character and spend the entire game watching him gallivanting around, he damn well better be witty (Prince of Persia), awesome (Dante – Devil May Cry), one nasty sonova***** (Kratos – God of War), or as perverted as we are (Solid Snake – Metal Gear Solid). And frankly those games are few and far between.

When it comes to anisotropic filtered T&A, female characters are the way to go. Heavenly Sword wouldn’t be half as popular if the main character wasn’t a mental martial arts redhead, and Blood Rayne never made slaughtering Nazi’s so sexy. Is it any wonder they invented drool-proof keyboard covers?

Of course, if you’re the kind of person that owns every EA churned out version of WWE Smackdown, and enjoys nearly-naked men ‘piledriving’ each other in the gayest manner since pro football, you can probably ignore all this. Your boyfriend needs a back massage anyway.

The Protectors

Protectors play games because they like the idea of being “Big Brother”. They don’t really see themselves as ‘playing’ with their characters as much as guiding them, keeping them from harm. Games are a way for them to do the honourable and just things they wish they could do in real life, whether that be saving the world or helping other players. The idea of looking after someone makes them feel warm and fuzzy.

Protectors feel a fondness for their characters in the same way you might feel towards a pet or a sibling; a kind of ‘duty’ to care for them. And this feeling will change depending on the gender they choose.

Female characters are to be protected. The player will try to keep her alive and out of harms way, ensuring she gets from place to place in one piece. Watching her grow stronger or gain better skills is like raising a child for the Protector. He just loves that nurturing feeling.

Male characters, on the other hand, are the ones that do the defending. The Protector will take on a more of a roleplaying presence, and use his character to help others. He’s the Paladin that pops randomly into your games and gives you free stuff, or will turn up just in time to help finish off Duriel. Without touching the loot, I might add.

Needless to say, these guys are great to have around… at least until you threaten their characters in some way. Might as well strap steaks to your body and run naked through the African Savannah; your chances of survival are about the same.

The Pricks

Pricks are the opposite of Protectors. They use games for the sole purpose of annoying the sh*t out of every person they meet. They’re the type of people that play single-player games so they can kill all the NPC’s, fail the quests and generally try to ruin everything to the maximum of their abilities. If none of these things are possible, the game will be declared crap and discarded.

The Pricks true forte is the multi-player experience. Here, his admiral people skills can really shine… as he tries to kill, maim, cheat and abuse everyone he meets. Ultimately the Prick’s favourite character will be the one that can slaughter other players in the quickest and most unfair way, but his technique will actually vary depending on his gender choice.

If the Prick chooses a female character, he’s aiming for humiliation. Watch as he spams your screen with Frozen Orbs or Traps, then stands around calling you a noob. A noob who got killed by a girl! Could you possibly be a bigger noob? You’re probably gay too.

If the Prick chooses a male character, he’s aiming for the most powerful, well equipped, glitchy killer he can make. He’s out to prove that yes, he is better then you at everything. He could beat you in this game, any other game, the real world, and possibly tennis as well. He is the pinnacle of Player Killing prowess, and nothing you say will make him go away.

Cause despite what you might think, it’s actually really funny to annoy people. No really. Classic stuff. Being a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling is the only way to play games, and gets you ahead in real life too. Everyone loves a Prick. Look out for him in a forum near you.

                           


                           

Who Cares?

“Who Cares?” players are also known as “casual gamers”. They’re the types that start up a game, play it for ten/fifteen minutes then run off to do whatever else requires their attention in the real world. They don’t care about flashy graphics or involved story or customizing their characters down to the earrings. If Peggle tried to have a plot it probably wouldn’t be so popular.

Casual gamers don’t usually understand how people can get attached to their characters. They look at us true gamers as strange, obsessive weirdos. How can you care about something running around on a screen? It’s just pixels. Imagination means little to them.

As such, choosing the gender to play is about as important for them as the opening cinematic: meaningless. Casual gamers want to get into the game as quick as they can, so they’ll choose the basic character, default options for everything, skip over all the introduction or tutorial notices and away they go.

This makes the casual gamer easy to spot. Just look for your standard Barbarian, wielding your average sword and shield, running around screaming “How do I get guns?”. They’ll also pester you continuously for gear and “rush” (once they work out what that means), so avoid these guys at all costs. Tell them someone beat their Audiosurf score.

The Rest

And finally we come to ‘the rest’. Everyone else. What other reasons make people choose their genders? Obviously there are many more then the above mentioned; even if those are the most prominent. Sometimes it’s because the genders come with their own class of skills, or because the models of the opposite sex just look stupid. Maybe you’re a straight lace player: you choose a male model because you are a male? It’s just the obvious thing to do. Heck, even the sound of a characters voice can be a deciding factor.

Whatever the reasons, Blizzard has finally taken notice of them, and at last we’ll be able to choose the gender we want for our Diablo 3 heroes. For me personally, it means the games replayability has increased ten fold.

Finally, I’ll actually want to play all the different classes, if only to see my character selection screen decked out in glorious female forms. No longer will one class be neglected because I find the male grunts of pain or overly muscly physique unappealing. Who cares if the Barbarianess is built like a truck! Or that the Witch Doctorette looks like some kind of man-sacrificing psychopath! They’re girls! And I’d gladly watch them dashing about with their pendulum hips and copious swaying any day.

So embrace the change. We’ve lost the Necro, and probably the Amazon too (who’s ever heard of a male Amazon? That’d just be silly), but I’m sure what we will get will definitely make up for it.

Bring on the female Ninja’s and Samurai, I say! HI-YAH!